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[02 Aug 2005|07:32pm] [ mood | final ] here you go babe. no turning back. he's coming back, your shopping, schools starting, she's returning. go babe. anodynamo. make it count. you are one strong bitch, tough as nails. there is nothing stopping you, nothing in your way. no pesky parents, no rules, no sit down dinners. you can avoid it all you conniving bitch. i love you to the bones, but really, is that fucking sandwich going to make you happy? no. and when you're through with it, you'll be so full of self loathing and disgust it'll be a wonder if the food doesn't come rushing back up on it's own will. do you want her to be thinner than you? no. hell no. fuck that bitch. no way; you are the skinniest girl to rule the land. it's you you you and nobody but you. ya got that? seriously. do not do anything you will regret immediately and forever after. and this unconcious eating bullshit? fuck it. you don't even want it. you're just doing it to spite yourself, which is really fuckin stupid and pathetic, all wrapped into one. stop it. fucking cow, geez. don't make me do this to yourself. starts now. 3 | twins

[27 Jul 2005|02:17pm] so far today, have not eaten anything. have drank one starbucks light mint mocha chip frap and 6 glasses of water. am planning on running v. soon. most deff hope to. am 129.5 and hate myself with a passion. cheers. twins

[21 Jul 2005|05:33pm] [ mood | disgusted ] i am sick of being weak. all this weak/strong/weak/strong/WEAK business bullshit. i can't fucking stand it anymore. i really can't. and i hate even talking about it. it's just that i feel like i fuck up so bad one day, and i fast the next. i'm not getting anywhere. and i really hate doing this. i mean, what's the point in just saying 'ok' if you're not going to do anything? what is the point of even discussing it? i feel like i'm going in a fucking merry-go-round, and i just can't take it anymore. i can't stand being weak. 35 days until school starts, 30 days until doug returns, and i'm a fucking failure. i just don't understand why i'm so weak. i need to purge, run, cut. but not necessarily in that order. in fact, i don't even know what order anymore, but i'm going to fucking do it. even if it is a hundred degrees outside. i just feel like kicking my own ass for what i'm doing to myself. eating? what the fuck am i thinking? when did i turn into a cow?? i'm so upset with myself that i am disgusted. i'm just so impatient, i want everything in a day now. but now vb is over for 5 weeks. so good. i just need to remind myself that you can't do it all in a day. but that's bullshit. you fucking can too. twins

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